Ageing Gracefully

Ageing Gracefully

By Julie Hallie

What does aging gracefully mean to you? Does it have to do with wrinkle cream, hair color and dressing young? Forgetting you have birthdays and lying about your age?

Aging is inevitable. It starts, in fact, from the moment of conception. You grow, and as you grow, you change. First you change from a fetus into a baby; then after you are born, you change from a baby to a toddler, to a pre-teen and a teen, and finally an adult. As an adult, your body is done growing, but for your mind, your attitude toward life, you have a choice. You can either stop growing here, or continue to grow. When I talk about aging gracefully, it is not the external self I am referring to. I am talking about the internal self; the essence of self; which may in fact be young, old or no particular age at all.

I felt very young in my 20's; like I would never "grow up." Once someone said that they knew I was older than they. I have always looked very young for my age; got "carded" well beyond the legal age of 21, and even for movies rated "R." So, I asked them how they knew that I was older, and they said it was because I "talked older." Did that mean I no longer used the language and vernacular of their generation? That I had moved beyond young to the next level? Another time, when I was about 30, I was with someone who may have been all of 35 or so, and I envied her "maturity." Oh, to be like her! I think it was not her age itself I saw; I saw other qualities such as self-assurance and calmness. It was what I wanted then and what I want now.

Now my role models are older women, women who have had many life changes. They have perhaps lost a partner, home, or physical abilities, but have borne it bravely, used the opportunity to broaden themselves, continue to speak boldly and positively about life, and keep their heads up and dignity intact as they move to another life stage. "How do they do that?" I ask, even as the answer comes. They are aging gracefully.

What aging gracefully means to me now is working toward becoming more accepting of myself and others, and what life brings; slower to speak, slower to anger, but faster to listen. I aspire to be more flexible and agreeable to change. I would like to be more centered; more alive in the moment. It is an ongoing battle; I still worry too much, fret about the little things, fight against invisible foes, and become irritated with daily life. I alternately wish for the past and yearn for the future. I am a work in progress; closer than I was in my 30's, but further away than I want to be.

There is always something to work toward, and this in itself is the essence of aging gracefully.

You're How Old?

by David Leonhardt

"Well, Happy Birthday! How old are you anyway?"

"Oh, I'm just 29 ... again."

It's a harmless game, denying our age, right? We play sensitive about our age as we get older, as we get further away from birth and closer to death. It's just a way to share our unease of growing older with people around us. Ah ... aging gracefully.

Try as we might, time marches on and we get older just the same. I was reminded about this when I recently read that we are now seven million years old. That's at least a million years older than we were just one year ago.

Of course, that does not mean you or I personally aged a million years in the past 365 days. That would be taking the term "personal growth" or "aging", gracefully or otherwise, too far. It would be either a b-rated horror movie or the phenomenal work of a genius. In fact, an early human skull found in the Sahara Desert is 7 million years old, pushing "the start of human evolution back at least another million years."

For you and me, age is important. Denying one's age, or even being sensitive about it, can be disabling to many of us. Our years, our lines, our scars are part of who we are. They should be a matter of comfort and pride and even our joy. Happiness eludes us when we feel embarrassed, guilty, or even shy about any part of who we are.

Aging gracefully is a matter of self-esteem

What's at stake here? Our happiness. Our self-esteem. Our zest and sense of daily joy. Our life satisfaction.

It's time for each of us to take pride again in everything we are. Try saying something like this: "I am pushing 40 (or whatever age applies to you). I have lived 40 years of happiness. I have survived 40 years of challenges. I have experienced 40 years of personal growth. I have learned so many life lessons from 40 trips around the sun. (I have much more to learn, so God, please let me live another 40!) I am aging gracefully. I have thrived, mostly, during 40 years. And I am proud of every one of those years."

Once upon a time, the elders of the village were revered. They bore both knowledge and wisdom. Now we settle for just knowledge. The elders carried traditions down from generations. Now we just create brand new "traditions". The elders were our leaders. Now we downsize them.

Youth has its own beauty, its own advantages, its own joy, its own reasons to be admired. So, too, does middle age. In fact, every age is important and every age is beautiful. How old are you right now? (Really, I don't mean "29 again".) Whatever age you are, right now that is the perfect age for you -- and the perfect age to be proud of.

Oh sure, it is sort of harmless to kid about one's age. And many people joke about it harmlessly. But many of us also have a deep unease about our age and our aging -- an unease that can hold back our self-esteem and our happiness.

Aging gracefully is another type of personal growth?

I recall sitting in my pew when it suddenly dawned on me why one member of the all-female choir looked so different. Every lady was at least 40 years old. Most were over 50. But the other heads were jet black or honey brown or sandy blonde or some other artificial tint. White Top Lady stood out from the crowd. She packed a loaded bundle of white hair.

Reality check.

It is no sin to dye one's hair, as long as we don't do it during the service. It is just one of many ways we adorn ourselves. But the sight of a dozen elderly ladies with hair colors impossible for their age (and perhaps even impossible for any age!) made me want to laugh out loud right there in church. (I resisted.) All the heads would probably have looked normal if White Top Lady's hair had not been screaming out, "I'm proud of my color. I'm proud of my age. I'm not going to hide. I'm aging gracefully."

It's time to be proud of everything about ourselves, including our age. So to everybody aging gracefully out there, "Happy Seven Millionth!"

David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant

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When I meet a woman whose life is clearly filled with the fruit of kindness, I see a beautiful person regardless of her outward appearance. The kindness she shows to the world is really the Holy Spirit at work making the world a more beautiful place, showing forth the presence of God.

~~Harriet Crosby~~
A Well-Watered Garden