Ask Yourself these questions
Excellent Sites with Info on Emotional Abuse
The Dynamics of Abuse
What IS Verbal /Emotional Abuse?
Are YOU Being Emotionally/Verbally Abused?
He uses HIS Guilt against YOU
Hurtful Words
Ask Yourself these questions
How To Spot A Verbal Abuser On The First Date
The Abuser's Body Language
Some Men Don't Realize That They Are Verbal Abusers
Women Can Be Verbal Abusers As Well
Frequently Asked Questions About Verbal Abuse
A Biblical Perspective on Verbal Abuse
Abusive Personalities on TV
Forging Self Confidence
A Positive Attitude
Cultivating Self Esteem
Strengthen Your Self Confidence
Jan Sporri's Tips to Bolster Your Self Esteem
Work On Being Attractive
Help Yourself
Seeking Guidance
Talking To Your Critical Voices
Stress Relief
Take Comfort With You
You Are No Different
When you ridicule ME
Choose Your Words Well
Your Tongue
Verbal/Emotional Abuse Directed Toward Children
Exercise Special Care With Your Children
Defeat Of The Tongue


by Laura W. Sparrowhawke, copyright 1998


Are you being controlled through criticism, moodiness, anger, threats, overprotection and "caring," denying your perceptions, ignoring your needs & opinions, unilateral decisionmaking, financial dependence, isolation, intimidation, or humiliation? How many of these sound like your life?

  • Whenever you're feeling good, does your partner always deflate your mood?
  • Is nothing you do ever right or good enough for your partner?
  • Can only your partner be right? Does he always correct your impressions or the way you say and do things?
  • Do you receive only sarcastic or backhanded compliments from your partner never positive support or encouragement?
  • Does your partner call you names?
  • Does your partner say you're too sensitive and can't take a joke right after saying something cruel to/about you?
  • Does your partner create a scene, then accuse you of exaggerating or making the whole thing up when if you confront him about it?
  • Does your partner continually break promises, but say he never promised in the first place?
  • Does your partner act as if you're imagining all the problems in your relationship?
  • If you cry because you are hurt, does your partner say you're hysterical or overly upset or ask why you upset yourself so much?
  • If you're angry and tell him, does he then blame his anger on you or say you're being abusive simply by being angry?
  • Does your partner insist you feel the way he expects you to feel rather than the way you feel?
  • If you are ill, does your partner refuse to help or promise to help and then "forget"?
  • Does your partner constantly interrupt you, forget what you said, change the subject, or twist the meaning of your words?
  • Is someone else always to blame for your partner's problems?
  • When you ask why your partner's angry, does he deny his anger?
  • Does your partner accuse you of trying to start an argument when you want to discuss something with him?  
  • When you try to discuss something that's bothering you with your partner does he frequently "have no idea what you're talking about"?
  • Does your partner walk away, tease you, or ignore you if you express your opinion?
  • Does your partner believe they should always have the final say?
  • After agreeing to a resolution, does your partner do exactly the opposite of what you agreed upon?
  • If you ask about something you should have had a say in deciding, does your partner insist "but that's already been decided"?
  • Are there topics that you are not allowed to freely discuss?
  • Is your free time limited to your partner's interests?
  • Does your partner steer you towards dressing a certain way, a certain hairstyle, or some other appearance that doesn't really suit your own tastes?
  • Does your partner often tell you that he'd like your appearance better if only... you lost weight? you gained weight? you changed something else about yourself?
  • Does your partner totally disrespect and discount your feelings?
  • Does your partner putdown your friends and family or nag at you until you stop contacting them?
  • Does your partner accuse the people who are your support system of "causing trouble"?
  • Do you feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster?
  • Is your partner manipulative with lies & contradictions?
  • Does your partner say cruel, hurtful things just to upset you?
  • Are you constantly criticized?
  • Does your partner expect you to be "perfect"?
  • Is there a scene if you have a differing opinion from your partner's?
  • Is living with your partner tense since you never know what will set off your partner's temper?
  • Are you anxious whenever you both visit with friends and family because you expect your partner to humiliate you over something you've done or one of your personality traits?
  • Does your partner get angry, then either blow his top or withdraw into prolonged silence until you apologize for whatever it was that "made him angry"?
  • When you can't read your partner's mind and follow his unspoken "rules," does your partner become furious?
  • If your partner dislikes what you're doing, are you unfairly threatened with a call to report you to public aid, child welfare, I.N.S., etc.?
  • Does your partner tell your children that you're a bad parent?
  • Does your partner "worry" about you too much if you're away from home?
  • Do you receive phone calls or unexpected visits from your partner to see if you're "okay"?
  • Do you need your partner's approval to have friends and family visit?
  • Is your partner reluctant to socialize with you? Does your partner refuse to take you anywhere?
  • Are you accused of caring more for your family and friends than for him? Does your partner say he's not getting enough of your time or energy?
  • Are you scared that your partner will be mad if you're even a few minutes late?
  • Is your partner jealous or overprotective when it comes to your coworkers or friends of the opposite sex?
  • Do you need to stay at home to take care of your responsibilities, but your partner always finds the time to go out?
  • Is your partner jealous when you talk to new people?
  • Does your partner accuse you of being unfaithful if you're late or not where he expects you to be?
  • Is your partner excessively jealous? Does your partner need to know all the details of who you saw where and what you did?
  • Does your partner insist that you cannot leave him and you'll always be together?
  • Has your partner threatened to kill you or themselves if you leave them?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to take the children away or kidnap them if you leave?


If the answers to these questions fit your life then you are being emotionally/ verbally abused.  As I read through them now I am appalled at how many of them applied to my life.  I wish I had had this list to read then and the courage to act upon it before the psychological trauma was done.  Please, do better than I did.  recognize your situation and act on it.



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