Stress Relief
Excellent Sites with Info on Emotional Abuse
The Dynamics of Abuse
What IS Verbal /Emotional Abuse?
Are YOU Being Emotionally/Verbally Abused?
He uses HIS Guilt against YOU
Hurtful Words
Ask Yourself these questions
How To Spot A Verbal Abuser On The First Date
The Abuser's Body Language
Some Men Don't Realize That They Are Verbal Abusers
Women Can Be Verbal Abusers As Well
Frequently Asked Questions About Verbal Abuse
A Biblical Perspective on Verbal Abuse
Abusive Personalities on TV
Forging Self Confidence
A Positive Attitude
Cultivating Self Esteem
Strengthen Your Self Confidence
Jan Sporri's Tips to Bolster Your Self Esteem
Work On Being Attractive
Help Yourself
Seeking Guidance
Talking To Your Critical Voices
Stress Relief
Take Comfort With You
You Are No Different
When you ridicule ME
Choose Your Words Well
Your Tongue
Verbal/Emotional Abuse Directed Toward Children
Exercise Special Care With Your Children
Defeat Of The Tongue

Self Soothing Skills are helpful when you are feeling stresed due to depression or low self esteem.  Try these and you will find that they help you to relax.


The goal with self-soothing skills is to comfort yourself emotionally by doing things that are sensually pleasant and, most especially, not harmful. At the same time, focusing your full attention on sensory inputs — on what you are physically experiencing in the moment (mindfulness) usually will get people outside of their own heads (and away from troubling thoughts, feelings, and impulses).

The skills and techniques listed below are a starting point only. Everyone has to find what works for them, and it may be things that are not on these lists.



With vision

  • Buy one beautiful flower
  • Make one space in a room pretty
  • Light a candle and watch the flame
  • Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things, for a meal
  • Go to a museum with beautiful art
  • Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel
  • Look at nature around you
  • Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars
  • Walk in a pretty part of town
  • Fix your nails so they look pretty (even “real men” can do this)
  • Look at beautiful pictures in a book (I have several photography books that are wonderful for this, one of which is just photos of children)
  • Go to a ballet or other dance performance, or watch one on TV
  • Be mindful of each sight that passes in front of you, not lingering on anything



With hearing

  • Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to invigorating and exciting music (many people recommend that country music be avoided, since the lyrics tend to be depressing). Classical can be very good, since there are no lyrics to trigger specific thoughts
  • Pay attention to the sounds of nature (waves, birds, rainfall, leaves rustling) or listen to tapes of nature sounds (I use a whale song tape, and a rain forest tape)
  • Sing your favorite songs
  • Hum a soothing tune
  • Learn to play an instrument
  • Call 800 or other numbers to hear a human voice
  • Be mindful of any sounds that come your way, letting them go in one ear and out the other



With smell

  • Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store
  • Spray fragrance in the air
  • Light a scented candle
  • Put lemon oil on your furniture
  • Put potpourri in a bowl in your room
  • Boil cinnamon
  • Bake cookies, cake, or bread
  • Smell the roses
  • Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of nature



With taste

  • Have a good meal
  • Have a favorite soothing drink such as herbal tea or hot chocolate (no alcohol)
  • Treat yourself to a dessert
  • Put whipped cream on your coffee
  • Sample flavors in an ice cream store
  • Suck on a piece of peppermint candy
  • Chew your favorite gum
  • Get a little bit of a special food you don’t usually spend the money on, such as fresh-squeezed orange juice
  • Really taste the food you eat; eat one thing mindfully


With touch

  • Take a bubble bath
  • Put clean sheets on the bed
  • Pet your dog or cat
  • Have a massage
  • Soak your feet
  • Put creamy lotion on your whole body
  • Put a cold compress on your forehead. Or wrap your face in a very warm, damp facecloth (wonderfully relaxing)
  • Sink into a really comfortable chair in your home, or find one in a luxurious hotel lobby
  • Put on a silky blouse, dress, or scarf (satin or velour is also great, even for men)
  • Try on fur-lined gloves or fur coats in a department store
  • Brush your hair for a long time
  • Hug someone
  • Experience whatever you are touching; notice touch that is soothing

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