Recommended List of Books on Verbal Abuse
Face Your Situation
Following are types of emotional abuse:
DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They
have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose
respect for yourself.
VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening,
excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front
of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.
The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It
could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
But no matter how much you give, it's never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated
because you don't fulfill all this person's needs.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt,
compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the
"cold shoulder," or use other fear tactics to control you.
UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden
emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of BPD). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different
times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one
day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
This behavior is damaging because it
puts you always on edge. You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what's expected of you.
You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood.
An alcoholic or drug
abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the
abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny
that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions,
memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted
to drama" since it creates excitement. (Many non-BPs also are addicted to drama.)