| 1. |
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
|
| 2. |
A day without sunshine is like, night.
|
| 3. |
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
|
| 4. |
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
|
| 5. |
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
|
| 6. |
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
|
| 7. |
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
|
| 8. |
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
|
| 9. |
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
|
| 10. |
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
|
| 11. |
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
|
| 12. |
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
|
| 13. |
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
|
| 14. |
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
|
| 15. |
Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
|
| 16. |
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
|
| 17. |
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
|
| 18. |
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
|
| 19. |
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
|
| 20. |
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
|
| 21. |
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
|
| 22. |
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
|
| 23. |
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
|
| 24. |
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
|
| 25. |
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
|
| 26. |
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
|
| 27. |
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
|
| 28. |
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
|
| 29. |
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
|
| 30. |
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
|
| 31. |
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
|
| 32. |
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
|
| 33. |
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
|
| 34. |
I plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
|
| 35. |
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
|
| 36. |
Get a new car for somebody you don't like - it'll be a great trade!
|
| 37. |
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
|
| 38. |
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
|
| 39. |
You can impress more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth.
|
| 40. |
Two things that are bad for your heart - running up stairs and running down people. |
