· I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
· You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
· Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
· Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
· By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
· Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
· Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
· A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.
· Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
· You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
· At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
· Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
· The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
· You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
· You're getting old when your wife gives up fooling around for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.
· You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.