Skinny people annoy me. Especially when they say things like,
"You know, sometimes I forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.But I've never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

 

They say you shouldn't say nothing about the dead unless it's good.
He's dead. Good.

 

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.
She had 14 kids, but she didn't give a crap.

 

They kept telling us, get in touch with our bodies.
Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,"Body, how'd you like to go to the 9 am class in vigorous toning?"
Clear as a bell my body said, "Do it bitch and you die."

Gay, straight... they all want blow jobs.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about Nothing (and then they marry him.)

The way I look at it, if the kids are still alive when my husband comes home from work,then I've done my job.

 

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much,smoking too much, impulse buying and driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?