The Lighter Side
Conspiracy Theory


Now You Know
Random Thoughts
A Letter Home From A Marine.
The Retrosexual Man Code:
From A Kentucky Woman
Rereleased Golden Oldies
Conspiracy Theory
Finding My Sex Drive
The Side Effects of Viagra
My Mirror
Country Wisdom
Sexy at 60
Poor Dad
A Dieter's Prayer
Stress Diet
Life Gets Tedious, Don't it?
The Class Reunion
Senior Lament
Waxing Poetic on Ageing
Abbot and Costello Now
The Stance
Will Rogers On Growing Older
Men You Would Meet In A Man's Restroom
If Men Had A Vagina...............
My Pills
Carlin Speaks..............
Creative Writing Class
Grandpa Knows Best
Stan Says..............
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
A Bad Day???
Computerized Dr. Seuss
What Would You Do If you Had A Penis?
Buttons Worn on the Blouse of a Savvy Woman
My Men
Andy Rooney on Women Over 40
WHAT Kind of Sex?
T-Shirts for Fab Fifties
The First Mammogram
My Mother's Penis
The Stranger In My House
Mom and Dad
Bumper Stickers JUST For Women
Love Poems
You Know It's A Bad Day When......................
When I'm An Old Lady
The ABCs of Aging

Have you ever noticed that as the years go by, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper, groceries are heavier, and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was horrified to discover how long our street had become! I never noticed when I was younger that it's been changing!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also have a feeling that these people are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, something has been making people who used to be my own age so much older than I am.

I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection... and I noticed that even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Clothing manufacturers are part of the conspiracy too! Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are in on it as well. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? Hah! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on - but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon *everyone* will have to suffer these awful indignities.